Whirlwinds and division.

Whirlwinds change your life. Not literal whirlwinds but situations that can mess up your head without warning. Story of my life. I never know how to deal with such situations but when it always arises I have to deal with it. Many people don’t know who I actually am. I don’t think I do either. Many of us stuck in grey because that’s the safest option for us. Stuck in a haven we have made because we fear going across to the unknown, which could go either way. Personally I have found my journey in life quite surreal, like somebody that’s intoxicant all the time, because of my indecisiveness  that leads me to dig myself another hole. It turned me into somebody with an avoidance personality, which puts me in a vicious cycle of sabotaging relationships I had with everybody. I just got to accepting it and now I’m trying to move forward, because that’s all a person can do. Given that I’ve faced so many hard things in the past, that is out of the ordinary, I love to give people advice on how they  can deal with things, because it’s most likely that I may of gone through a strain of the same root problem.

The thought 2016 hyped a lot of people, because of the ‘new me new goals’ . I never got it before until a week before the new year rolled in. I felt it was time to finally move on with everything I did before. All the mistakes I had made, and all the people that I had cut off would finally be left in the past, but oh God was I proved wrong. It seemed so when it was the 1st of January and even today, where my mistakes keep either being repeated or people of the past are always around. I can’t help but realise I do not understand my emotions, or myself in that matter, so I am hoping that when I start soul searching I’ll find who I really am. I used to think people thought like me, or have the same perception, but that was always flawed as everybody is different, and that I needed to explain to people as to why I was like this, but people would block that with their own arrogance. I USED to find poetry to be my only voice but because of the circumstances and the fact that no one would ever read between the lines, I found that poetry in the world of selfish people was not ideal, especially when they don’t care about you. So, I stay as ever making friendships that are a passing, like the seasons…. while I slowly growing into the adult I was always destined to be.

Another poisonous topic is division. Division has ravaged everything and will continue to do so.In my opinion, greed is the main cause of it. Imagine being told you could own something if you claimed it, or claimed another part of it, knowing you would have total control of everything including wealth. Nationalism has destroyed a lot of people and continues to do so. The same group of people who 100 years ago, only took lineage as something to tell the younger generations,or to make new ties is now used a weapon to perpetuate the ever growing ailment of division. Before you know it, everybody will be afflicted with the nationalism we are taught to believe in, pledging allegiance to a land that won’t bring any benefit to you, but only a sense of identity. So, the same ethnic people continue to be divided over land for nothing other than a name. It has stunted the growth of progress and will continue to do, because people believe pride is better than building something that was once an empire.

 

 

 

 

 

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Confusion and delight

It’s painful when you get mistakes shoved down your throat. Not the mistakes that you do now, but the past petty mistakes. I’ve never understood the meaning behind that, the fact that you’ve achieved the target of mentally torturing a person into reliving their past mistakes…I wonder whether the person believes this is supposed to make them feel better or that they would learn from their mistakes.

I find that utterly disgusting, as it’s happened to me ever since I can remember. Cultures are the basis of civilisation. They make us who we are and they make us unique in different ways. What makes you stand out is whether you do good things or bad things …right? When you do a good thing your praised on it and when you’ve done a bad thing your usually shamed which would make us ashamed. ( naturally) What I don’t understand is when someone that is trying to find their way in the world and that has potential, is that they are stricken down by mistakes and has been to the point where they are dysfunctional, in terms of relationships, school life and whatnot . I find it hard to be functional, to keep consistent friendships ,to study  and to stay away from distraction. Life is one big distraction to the end goal. I prefer hiding under the rocks than to be amongst the crowds, because somehow I cause a ruckus.

I’ve started taking photographs, because it’s pretty to my eyes. At least nowadays I can focus on my life and the beauty that beholds my eyes. Although we have bad days and good, it’s how we deal with it that makes the difference. We all need to modify things, or that’s how we’ve been taught to think. The truth is you are yourself and the only person to stop you from achieving anything is yourself. I still can’t come to face the facts that I keep letting myself down,but maybe one day I will. Motivation is like the season, it comes and goes as wishes whooshing like the autumn leaves. Although I’m going to buy a camera soon, I hope you appreciate my bad photography ^^

 

The eyes are useless when the mind is blind.
마음이 장님이면 눈은 아무 소용 없는 존재.

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Who Are You?

I think there comes a time in your life where you have to become savage. like really savage. Something always ticks and you just unleash your inner hulk…that’s the phase I’ve stepped into, and it is introducing me into a whole new person.
Although I’ve always been inconsistent and lazy, I used to be accustomed to the whim of others, a  kind of  pushover,  but it was really bad…. like if anyone asked me to cover a shift, I would do so without hesitation, even though I wouldn’t like it in the first place. But what sparked my savageness was  the fuckery that had befallen me, which you must agree would bring anyone to go through the same journey as I have.

Now I’m going to introduce myself. I am a daughter of a nomad that’s a son of a nomad and that is a son of another nomad. Quite weird right? Rightly so. To be honest, I don’t know how my people went from herders to me ( the one present) being obsessed with social media and living in a complex world. My grandfather would think I’m mad and probably proceed by saying the west has poisoned my mind. None of my relatives hesitate to say that my cousins that reside in Africa are much more smarter than me. It puts you down, but anything goes. Living in a place where the majority don’t accept you has become the norm, as you grow older, you aren’t really accepted anywhere. Your homeland rejects you because you spent those crucial years somewhere else, so you are bound to be different. The place where you grew up rejects you when you first appear, since you appear to not stay within the status qfor being a ‘native’ and it brands you automatically for being something your not. Religion seems the only haven as an option, but this comes with difficulties as the place your grew up in hates the idea of it. So you get stuck.

This example is myself. 3 Identities in one is annoying since I feel like a bubble of entity with no purpose at this moment of time, but as time goes on, I guess I’ll learn to stick to one. As complex as my feelings are at the moment, I’ve found a home within the world of 한국 and all this Korean.  I guess the obsession is mainstream, but I’ve made a life within it, even though not many approve of this….

So join me on this ridiculous journey of ranting, activism and just things we can bond over ^^
다음 시간까지…..( until next time)

 

 

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